It was 4am and, once again, I was lying wake in bed with my 7month old infant son at my breast for the third feeding of he night and I was thinking, am I doing enough? I had failed at trying to get him (and me) to sleep through the night. But there was more… On every aspect of business, family, friends, home, community and personal development… I have open items and I assess I am simply not doing enough.
But what does “doing enough” mean? How would I know if I were doing enough?
We make declarations “I should be doing more” all the time. Some of these are habits of language that reflect a limiting belief. As with any habit, we started doing them because they served us in some way. In doing them habitually rather than mindfully, they are also happening at a cost. I was awake. So I decided to break this down. This is self coaching, care to join me?
A declaration is an assessment. I am assessing that I am not doing enough. It’s a very short trip from feeling like I’m not doing enough to feeling like I am not enough. If I were doing enough – if I were enough – my children would be healthy and smart, good eaters and sleepers and polite and etc. My business would be growing rapidly. I would be changing the world for the better at every turn.
How does this assessment serve me? It’s a motivator. It keeps me moving and growing and pushing for results. It keeps me from being complacent. But there’s another element to this assessment.
What is the cost? I’m always starting something. I call it shiny object syndrome. I make a lot of commitments. So I’d stay up late, make personal sacrifice, to make good on commitments at the expense of self care. But at 4am, recognizing that I have been so migraine prone recently, I notice that I’ve gone past the point of sacrificing self care and pushed into self damage. In some cases, lately, I even make commitments that I can’t keep and this risks trust in a relationship. And I care about relationships. I care about trust. I’m not living up to my own personal values and I’m contributing to the underlying assessment that I am not enough. This is a dangerous cycle.
What change (if any) do I wish to make? Sometimes. We have an awareness and we can choose to continue in the assessment with the only change being more aware and mindful. Sometimes this is enough to reduce the cost while still appreciating the gains. But not this time. Today u need to renegotiate commitments (even if the commitments are being made to myself) I need to re set the bar on “enough.” I need to connect to my higher intention and make commitments that reflect my values, honing in on the core values and letting some other stuff fall. I need to re-invest in self care to do this. And this means taking giving myself some grace – the opportunity to take the time to re-set. So today, my friends, is a rest day. There will be tv watching. There will be baby snuggling. There will be meditating. There will be celebrating with friends. There will be time tomorrow to throw out the old to do list and build a new one. That’s where I’ll start.