We can all at times succumb to a feeling of being the victim of circumstances. This is usually wh en we feel like everything is happening TO us or AT us, we experience a loss of control, or we just find that we are waiting for things to happen. As a result, we find ourselves feeling like the object of circumstance rather than powerful beings taking ownership of our circumstances.
To be clear, we don’t control everything. There is much that happens in life that is outside of our control, however, at all times there is usually MORE that we have control and influence over than we think. Remembering what those things are allows us to reclaim to the power to choose actions that can help to offload the reactive, victim mentality and regain our own personal leadership.
Step 1: Write (or journal) about the circumstances you are currently experiencing. What is happening? How are you feeling about it? What do you notice in your body as you experience it?
Step 2: Center yourself – start by answering this question: What do I have control over? Hint: We ALWAYS have control over two things:
1 – I have control over how I want to react to my circumstances. How do I want to react?
- How would I like to experience this in terms of my BODY?
- What EMOTION would best serve me in this moment?
- What LANGUAGE do I need to remind myself of my most powerful self, now and in the moment? This may take the form of a personal declaration:
- I have the power to choose my own reactions.
2 –I have control over the choices I make? Now that I am experiencing my powerful, leadership self…
- What choices could I make right now?
- Which would serve me?
- Remember, choosing not to take action can be just as powerful as choosing to take action, provided the choice is made mindfully and deliberately
Step 3: Expand your center and consider what do you have the power to influence?
In leadership, we influence our environment through our relationships and through ACTIVE language in the form of Requests and Offers:
- What offers can I make to influence this situation?
- Who from my network of support can I enlist to support me in this effort?
- Who has control or influence of the situation that I can add to my network of support?
- What requests can I make of my network of support?
- What actions can I commit to taking?
Step 4: Accept that which is outside of my control AND influence. Again, this may take the form of a declaration: I accept that these things are out of my control.
- What do I need to accept is out of my sphere of control or influence?
- Are there any aspects that are in fact within my control?
- What steps might I take to prepare for various outcomes?
- What emotion would best serve me to be in acceptance?